Not Actually Dead

It might have been supposed that I had been run over by one of the unruly cars that routinely kill pedestrians around the University of Pittsburgh, but no, not yet. I am merely not very internet-connected.
In brief, the DSL service promised for Monday has not yet been persuaded to work properly on either computer; it worked briefly on the laptop, which thereafter swooned and has refused to access the internet via DSL, wifi, or dialup and will be seen by a technician at the Health Center ... er... Help Desk... tomorrow morning.
Meanwhile, I have a dreadful number of postdoc applications to write and finagle letters of recommendation for, one of my chapter subsections is being annoying, and I am obliged to replace a member of one of the conference panels I put together back in January.
Orion and Ms. Spots are contributing their best box-chewing skills to the situation, and would be happy to bite through all of my cords and wiring if permitted.